The Cloud is just somebody else’s computer. So when you run a workload on a cloud host, anyone who owns (or pwns) that system can look into it, change the data, an event, or the application itself. You have no confidentiality or integrity protection from your Cloud Service Provider, rogue sysadmins, or anyone who compromises their machines. Confidential computing uses a hardware-based trusted execution environment (e.g., Intel SGX, AMD SEV, or Arm 9 Realms) to provide these protections, but it’s difficult to use and complex to understand. This session will introduce the problem at a technical level, explain some of the solutions, and discuss why confidential computing is on its way – but not an easy fix (yet). Come and be amused, horrified, and excited; all in one presentation.